Most people can recall dozens of situations when they experienced change while on the job. Whether it's converting from one software system to another, relocating to a new office or adjusting to new or revised protocols, change is inevitable.
During economic turbulence, however, people often find that the changes they encounter on the job are suddenly much more frequent and substantial than usual. Unexpected layoffs, drastic budget cuts and the sudden expansion of one's job responsibilities are now all too prevalent in the midst of today's recession.
For employees left in the wake of such changes, it can be difficult to set aside their frustrations and anxiety to adjust to challenging new situations.
"When your company enacts change that represents some sort of threat or loss, the reflexive reaction is denial. You might tell yourself that it will never happen, it won't work or it won't affect me. Unfortunately, being resistant to change doesn't stop it from happening and may even jeopardize your job security," says Sandra Naiman, author of the recently released book "The High Achiever's Secret Codebook."
Naiman acknowledges that adapting quickly to significant change is easier said than done.
"We often resist change because we are afraid that a critical need will go unmet," she says. Naiman coaches her clients to identify exactly what they are losing. "In reaction to the same change event, one person might fear a loss of control while another might be threatened by a loss of status," she explains. "Once someone understands the source of their resistance, they are better able to manage it and proactively move forward."
In her book, Naiman reveals the unwritten rules for being successful at work. According to her, embracing and implementing change are keys to being a valuable and valued employee. To respond positively to change, despite being fearful of it or resistant to it, Naiman suggests the following strategies:
1. Define and acknowledge what is over and what is not. Honor those feelings of loss. Face them and do not deny any emotions that might surface. At the same time, identify what is not changing.
2. Look for the pony. Naiman recalls the joke about the quintessential optimist who jumps into a pile of manure, certain that there must be a pony in there somewhere. "No matter how tumultuous the change, there are opportunities available if people are open to looking for them," she says. "Identify the positives for yourself and the company, and then set your focus on them."
3. Jump on the bandwagon early. Once change is inevitable, people can choose to accept it or actively resist. "Whatever they choose, the change will take place. Those who engage sooner, rather than later, will be noticed and remembered, and so will those who go kicking and screaming," Naiman cautions.
4. Acquire new skills and knowledge that change necessitates. Be clear about what you need to learn in order to implement the change and take the initiative to do so. Read, take classes and seek opportunities to learn on the job.
5. Share with colleagues why the sudden change presents opportunities. Support peers by exploring with them ways that they can benefit from the change and help them take advantage of potential opportunities. They will appreciate your efforts, as will management.
Naiman advises that being a champion of change is not to be confused with indiscriminate cheerleading for every change in the offing.
"You will certainly lose credibility if you are perceived as misreading a situation, or worse, being untruthful. However, if a change is inevitable, you can still get behind it, do the best you can to make it work, and encourage others to do the same."
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
WHAT EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT PERFORMANCE REVIEWS
Do you remember the feeling you had when report card time rolled around in grade school? If you were a good student or had a particularly good semester, you didn't dread it. You might have even been excited because you'd get kudos and possibly a reward from your parents. On the other hand, if your grades for the past few months looked more like football scores than basketball scores, you probably had some butterflies in your stomach. Maybe you even "lost" the report card on the way home.
Jump ahead a few decades and it's déjà vu. Your annual performance review is like report card day, except with nicer clothes and W-2s. You get feedback on your work for the past year, hope that it's good and set new goals for the coming months or year.
The review is a chance to find out what your boss wants from you and for you to explain what you want from your job. While you could only wring your hands as you waited for the arrival of your grades, you can and should prepare for your review.
The self-assessment
"An employee should just spend a little time reflecting on the facts, feelings and results of the past period," suggests Paul Glen, author and columnist. "The facts include what happened, successes and failures. Feelings would be how the employee reacted to the facts and how she felt her supervisors felt about her successes and failures. And then review the concrete results of her work."
This preparation will put you in the right mindset for listening to what your boss has to say and get you thinking about what you want to discuss. The review is about you and your performance, Glen reminds.
"Ask questions about how to improve your performance and to clarify expectations for your current job and the next one you want," he suggests. "Do not make the discussion into a critique of your boss or your peers. That is deflection rather than being useful."
Accepting good and bad feedback
Nevertheless, you might find yourself wanting to deflect or raise a fuss if you receive criticism. Don't let that happen.
Says Glen, "Defensiveness is never useful. The boss wants an employee to try to understand the criticism first. Whether you disagree with the criticism or not, ask questions about it and try to understand it completely from the boss's point of view. Then if you feel that it's unfair, you can push back ... gently. But if you try to push back before you really understand, it will send the message that you are not interested in feedback."
Don't forget that all feedback, both the criticism and the praise, is designed to enhance your future work. For example, you've shown a command of your regular job duties, but you're not showing the leadership skills that you'd need to move on to the next level. Therefore, you know you can do the job, but you need to demonstrate that you're capable of handling a promotion. The review process isn't about scolding -- at least if you have a good boss -- it's about making you a better employee. If the company just wanted to criticize you, it could save everyone the time and send you a mean e-mail. Or just fire you.
Your responsibility after the review is to use the criticism and praise you received in the review as guidelines for daily performance.
"Take a few notes and then think about what concrete steps you can take to actually improve your performance and ensure that your improvements are noticeable," Glen advises. "Remember that you don't have to demonstrate things in the next week. After a suitable period of time, perhaps halfway to the next review, ask the boss for feedback on how you are doing on the specific issues that were addressed. That will get you feedback in time to do something about it and will get your boss to try to notice things as well."
The salary talk
When you're thinking about your review, you're probably also thinking about how the outcome affects your pay. In some companies, salary negotiations might be an entirely separate meeting that takes place at a different time. Other businesses use the performance review to handle compensation talks. Glen urges employees to think of the review and the salary discussion as separate issues. If your compensation is going to be discussed, the boss will be the one to mention it first.
"If the boss doesn't bring it up, at the end, ask how the salary review relates to the performance review," Glen suggests. "The purpose of performance review is to give an employee feedback about their performance with respect to expectations and to communicate future expectations. A salary review is to reset pay with respect to others in the firm and with the external market."
By letting the salary talk occur naturally, you're not moving focus from you or your performance. You show the boss that your mind is on more than the paycheck and you're concerned about what he or she has to say.
Jump ahead a few decades and it's déjà vu. Your annual performance review is like report card day, except with nicer clothes and W-2s. You get feedback on your work for the past year, hope that it's good and set new goals for the coming months or year.
The review is a chance to find out what your boss wants from you and for you to explain what you want from your job. While you could only wring your hands as you waited for the arrival of your grades, you can and should prepare for your review.
The self-assessment
"An employee should just spend a little time reflecting on the facts, feelings and results of the past period," suggests Paul Glen, author and columnist. "The facts include what happened, successes and failures. Feelings would be how the employee reacted to the facts and how she felt her supervisors felt about her successes and failures. And then review the concrete results of her work."
This preparation will put you in the right mindset for listening to what your boss has to say and get you thinking about what you want to discuss. The review is about you and your performance, Glen reminds.
"Ask questions about how to improve your performance and to clarify expectations for your current job and the next one you want," he suggests. "Do not make the discussion into a critique of your boss or your peers. That is deflection rather than being useful."
Accepting good and bad feedback
Nevertheless, you might find yourself wanting to deflect or raise a fuss if you receive criticism. Don't let that happen.
Says Glen, "Defensiveness is never useful. The boss wants an employee to try to understand the criticism first. Whether you disagree with the criticism or not, ask questions about it and try to understand it completely from the boss's point of view. Then if you feel that it's unfair, you can push back ... gently. But if you try to push back before you really understand, it will send the message that you are not interested in feedback."
Don't forget that all feedback, both the criticism and the praise, is designed to enhance your future work. For example, you've shown a command of your regular job duties, but you're not showing the leadership skills that you'd need to move on to the next level. Therefore, you know you can do the job, but you need to demonstrate that you're capable of handling a promotion. The review process isn't about scolding -- at least if you have a good boss -- it's about making you a better employee. If the company just wanted to criticize you, it could save everyone the time and send you a mean e-mail. Or just fire you.
Your responsibility after the review is to use the criticism and praise you received in the review as guidelines for daily performance.
"Take a few notes and then think about what concrete steps you can take to actually improve your performance and ensure that your improvements are noticeable," Glen advises. "Remember that you don't have to demonstrate things in the next week. After a suitable period of time, perhaps halfway to the next review, ask the boss for feedback on how you are doing on the specific issues that were addressed. That will get you feedback in time to do something about it and will get your boss to try to notice things as well."
The salary talk
When you're thinking about your review, you're probably also thinking about how the outcome affects your pay. In some companies, salary negotiations might be an entirely separate meeting that takes place at a different time. Other businesses use the performance review to handle compensation talks. Glen urges employees to think of the review and the salary discussion as separate issues. If your compensation is going to be discussed, the boss will be the one to mention it first.
"If the boss doesn't bring it up, at the end, ask how the salary review relates to the performance review," Glen suggests. "The purpose of performance review is to give an employee feedback about their performance with respect to expectations and to communicate future expectations. A salary review is to reset pay with respect to others in the firm and with the external market."
By letting the salary talk occur naturally, you're not moving focus from you or your performance. You show the boss that your mind is on more than the paycheck and you're concerned about what he or she has to say.
WHAT EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT PERFORMANCE REVIEWA
Do you remember the feeling you had when report card time rolled around in grade school? If you were a good student or had a particularly good semester, you didn't dread it. You might have even been excited because you'd get kudos and possibly a reward from your parents. On the other hand, if your grades for the past few months looked more like football scores than basketball scores, you probably had some butterflies in your stomach. Maybe you even "lost" the report card on the way home.
Jump ahead a few decades and it's déjà vu. Your annual performance review is like report card day, except with nicer clothes and W-2s. You get feedback on your work for the past year, hope that it's good and set new goals for the coming months or year.
The review is a chance to find out what your boss wants from you and for you to explain what you want from your job. While you could only wring your hands as you waited for the arrival of your grades, you can and should prepare for your review.
The self-assessment
"An employee should just spend a little time reflecting on the facts, feelings and results of the past period," suggests Paul Glen, author and columnist. "The facts include what happened, successes and failures. Feelings would be how the employee reacted to the facts and how she felt her supervisors felt about her successes and failures. And then review the concrete results of her work."
This preparation will put you in the right mindset for listening to what your boss has to say and get you thinking about what you want to discuss. The review is about you and your performance, Glen reminds.
"Ask questions about how to improve your performance and to clarify expectations for your current job and the next one you want," he suggests. "Do not make the discussion into a critique of your boss or your peers. That is deflection rather than being useful."
Accepting good and bad feedback
Nevertheless, you might find yourself wanting to deflect or raise a fuss if you receive criticism. Don't let that happen.
Says Glen, "Defensiveness is never useful. The boss wants an employee to try to understand the criticism first. Whether you disagree with the criticism or not, ask questions about it and try to understand it completely from the boss's point of view. Then if you feel that it's unfair, you can push back ... gently. But if you try to push back before you really understand, it will send the message that you are not interested in feedback."
Don't forget that all feedback, both the criticism and the praise, is designed to enhance your future work. For example, you've shown a command of your regular job duties, but you're not showing the leadership skills that you'd need to move on to the next level. Therefore, you know you can do the job, but you need to demonstrate that you're capable of handling a promotion. The review process isn't about scolding -- at least if you have a good boss -- it's about making you a better employee. If the company just wanted to criticize you, it could save everyone the time and send you a mean e-mail. Or just fire you.
Your responsibility after the review is to use the criticism and praise you received in the review as guidelines for daily performance.
"Take a few notes and then think about what concrete steps you can take to actually improve your performance and ensure that your improvements are noticeable," Glen advises. "Remember that you don't have to demonstrate things in the next week. After a suitable period of time, perhaps halfway to the next review, ask the boss for feedback on how you are doing on the specific issues that were addressed. That will get you feedback in time to do something about it and will get your boss to try to notice things as well."
The salary talk
When you're thinking about your review, you're probably also thinking about how the outcome affects your pay. In some companies, salary negotiations might be an entirely separate meeting that takes place at a different time. Other businesses use the performance review to handle compensation talks. Glen urges employees to think of the review and the salary discussion as separate issues. If your compensation is going to be discussed, the boss will be the one to mention it first.
"If the boss doesn't bring it up, at the end, ask how the salary review relates to the performance review," Glen suggests. "The purpose of performance review is to give an employee feedback about their performance with respect to expectations and to communicate future expectations. A salary review is to reset pay with respect to others in the firm and with the external market."
By letting the salary talk occur naturally, you're not moving focus from you or your performance. You show the boss that your mind is on more than the paycheck and you're concerned about what he or she has to say.
Jump ahead a few decades and it's déjà vu. Your annual performance review is like report card day, except with nicer clothes and W-2s. You get feedback on your work for the past year, hope that it's good and set new goals for the coming months or year.
The review is a chance to find out what your boss wants from you and for you to explain what you want from your job. While you could only wring your hands as you waited for the arrival of your grades, you can and should prepare for your review.
The self-assessment
"An employee should just spend a little time reflecting on the facts, feelings and results of the past period," suggests Paul Glen, author and columnist. "The facts include what happened, successes and failures. Feelings would be how the employee reacted to the facts and how she felt her supervisors felt about her successes and failures. And then review the concrete results of her work."
This preparation will put you in the right mindset for listening to what your boss has to say and get you thinking about what you want to discuss. The review is about you and your performance, Glen reminds.
"Ask questions about how to improve your performance and to clarify expectations for your current job and the next one you want," he suggests. "Do not make the discussion into a critique of your boss or your peers. That is deflection rather than being useful."
Accepting good and bad feedback
Nevertheless, you might find yourself wanting to deflect or raise a fuss if you receive criticism. Don't let that happen.
Says Glen, "Defensiveness is never useful. The boss wants an employee to try to understand the criticism first. Whether you disagree with the criticism or not, ask questions about it and try to understand it completely from the boss's point of view. Then if you feel that it's unfair, you can push back ... gently. But if you try to push back before you really understand, it will send the message that you are not interested in feedback."
Don't forget that all feedback, both the criticism and the praise, is designed to enhance your future work. For example, you've shown a command of your regular job duties, but you're not showing the leadership skills that you'd need to move on to the next level. Therefore, you know you can do the job, but you need to demonstrate that you're capable of handling a promotion. The review process isn't about scolding -- at least if you have a good boss -- it's about making you a better employee. If the company just wanted to criticize you, it could save everyone the time and send you a mean e-mail. Or just fire you.
Your responsibility after the review is to use the criticism and praise you received in the review as guidelines for daily performance.
"Take a few notes and then think about what concrete steps you can take to actually improve your performance and ensure that your improvements are noticeable," Glen advises. "Remember that you don't have to demonstrate things in the next week. After a suitable period of time, perhaps halfway to the next review, ask the boss for feedback on how you are doing on the specific issues that were addressed. That will get you feedback in time to do something about it and will get your boss to try to notice things as well."
The salary talk
When you're thinking about your review, you're probably also thinking about how the outcome affects your pay. In some companies, salary negotiations might be an entirely separate meeting that takes place at a different time. Other businesses use the performance review to handle compensation talks. Glen urges employees to think of the review and the salary discussion as separate issues. If your compensation is going to be discussed, the boss will be the one to mention it first.
"If the boss doesn't bring it up, at the end, ask how the salary review relates to the performance review," Glen suggests. "The purpose of performance review is to give an employee feedback about their performance with respect to expectations and to communicate future expectations. A salary review is to reset pay with respect to others in the firm and with the external market."
By letting the salary talk occur naturally, you're not moving focus from you or your performance. You show the boss that your mind is on more than the paycheck and you're concerned about what he or she has to say.
Monday, July 5, 2010
WHEN CO-WORKERS GO FROM FRIEND TO FOE.
Growing up, plenty of people dished out advice about what kind of job to get. I was told to find a way to get paid doing what I love. I was also told to find a job that paid the bills because I'd resent my passion if it were my job. Each person had a story to prove why their advice was right. Ultimately, I listened to no one and just did what felt right. As a result, I realized one size does not fit all for career advice.
The same goes for befriending the people you work with, or bringing friends into the workplace. For some people, friendship and professionalism go hand-in-hand. For others, not so much. And for certain workers, friendship was integral to the workplace until things went very, very wrong.
"It can be very good or very bad -- depending on a number of factors, including the personalities of the people who are friends and their relationship in the workplace. For example: Is one person insecure, jealous, needy or passive-aggressive? Is one supervising the other? Are they in a very competitive environment? Are there wide discrepancies between their salaries or earning power?" says Irene S. Levine, author of "Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with a Best Friend."
"Because of the potential downsides, such friendships should be approached slowly and judiciously to avoid disappointments. You need to allow them to unfold slowly so you have a good sense of the other person -- and know whether the person is trustworthy and has good judgment," says Levine.
If only some people got this advice early in their careers.
First comes friendship, then comes betrayal
At a previous job, Crystal Brown-Tatum was a receptionist but had formed a professional friendship with a sales executive -- one of the few people in the office who showed her respect. That all changed when the sales executive became involved with Brown-Tatum's fiancé, who was a manager at the same company. As you might expect, the friendship suffered, and so did her career. As a result, Brown-Tatum was put on paid leave to "cool down" and her access to e-mail and the premises was restricted.
"By the time the affair came out, [my fiancé] was relocated to a New York office while [the sales manager] and I remained in the Houston office," she says. "When I returned to work, we were all advised by HR not to discuss the relationship or face severe consequences. I had to go out of my way to avoid her but everyone in the office knew. It was extremely awkward."
Another consequence of the situation was how distrusting she became with colleagues, even after she had moved on to a new employer. She was especially hesitant around the women in the office. Ultimately she started her own company, Crystal Clear Communications, because the thought of working in a similar environment was too much for her.
Leslie Jacobs of Les Mess Organizing Cards also found her work life go from peaceful to turbulent in a brief moment. She was friends with an office manager at a previous employer. They were regular lunch friends and spent much of their time together. Then one day the office manager stopped talking to her. Years before the friend had done something similar, but the silent treatment didn't last long so Jacobs dismissed it as a one-time event. This time it was permanent -- no explanation and no opportunity for Jacobs to understand what was going on.
"I asked her to talk to me -- let's talk this out. She refused," Jacobs remembers. "She would only talk to me in a very businesslike way. But, as office manager she had the power to make my job easy or not -- and she chose not." Not surprisingly, there was a round of layoffs shortly after and Jacobs was let go from her job. Although she was told it was a financial issue, Jacobs knew that wasn't the case -- especially when she saw the organization throw a party for 50,000 attendees. She never found out the reason for the sudden change of heart, but she knows former colleagues are being told a significantly different story to explain Jacobs' departure.
A friendship postmortem
Sometimes the friendship falls apart after the professional relationship ends, which can be just as hurtful. That's what happened to Linda Athans, now a marketing manager at Mangrove Employer Services. For a previous company she was a director and had hired an assistant from another department. She established a mentor/protégé relationship with the assistant.
"The two of us not only reshaped the entire department for the company, but also became great friends in the process ... almost sisters," Athans says. "We saw each other outside work frequently, shared secrets and could be both professional and silly with each other. I was even in her wedding!"
Unfortunately, Athans' position was eliminated and she left work permanently on a Friday afternoon. She didn't hear from the assistant until Monday morning, and then it was only to ask about project Athans had been working on. She was apparently filling Athans' role and made no attempt to approach her as a friend.
"Needless to say I was upset at the callousness -¬ I had just lost my job of four years.[I] told her that I didn't work there anymore and she should get direction from the VP," Athans says. "She got angry with me, hung up, and that was that."
They've seen each other since and their interaction has gone from cordial to nonexistent. For Athans, the lesson learned was that friendships shouldn't exist within the office.
"Most of what we shared revolved around work and being in the same situation. But once I left, it was obvious that we didn't really have that much in common and were two very different people. Sometimes I am reminded of her and remember the good times we had fondly, but that relationship definitely changed how close I get to people in the workplace."
How to deal
What do you do if your friendship with a co-worker is going south? And what if it's beyond repair? Levine has some tips for workers:
• Notice the warning signs and stay calm
"The first step would be to communicate, without casting blame, to see if a minor misunderstanding can be straightened out," Levine advises. "Perhaps it is a question of establishing boundaries with which both friends feel comfortable. Depending on what happened, for example, two friends may decide to only be friends in the workplace or to only be friends outside of work, limiting their conversation about work."
• Approach with caution
"If the friendship is falling apart, you might want to act cordial but slowly pull back, spending last time and sharing fewer intimacies with the individual. You still want to act friendly and greet them in the workplace. The last thing you want to do is to draw other people into your conflict [or] misunderstanding," Levine suggests.
• Understand the kind of friendship you have
"Workers need to remember that not all friendships stick," Levine reminds. "Most are transient and you don't want to do anything to jeopardize your employment and reputation, particularly in this economy. On the other hand, friends in the workplace can be your greatest collaborators, cheerleaders, and shoulders to cry on and re-energize."
The same goes for befriending the people you work with, or bringing friends into the workplace. For some people, friendship and professionalism go hand-in-hand. For others, not so much. And for certain workers, friendship was integral to the workplace until things went very, very wrong.
"It can be very good or very bad -- depending on a number of factors, including the personalities of the people who are friends and their relationship in the workplace. For example: Is one person insecure, jealous, needy or passive-aggressive? Is one supervising the other? Are they in a very competitive environment? Are there wide discrepancies between their salaries or earning power?" says Irene S. Levine, author of "Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with a Best Friend."
"Because of the potential downsides, such friendships should be approached slowly and judiciously to avoid disappointments. You need to allow them to unfold slowly so you have a good sense of the other person -- and know whether the person is trustworthy and has good judgment," says Levine.
If only some people got this advice early in their careers.
First comes friendship, then comes betrayal
At a previous job, Crystal Brown-Tatum was a receptionist but had formed a professional friendship with a sales executive -- one of the few people in the office who showed her respect. That all changed when the sales executive became involved with Brown-Tatum's fiancé, who was a manager at the same company. As you might expect, the friendship suffered, and so did her career. As a result, Brown-Tatum was put on paid leave to "cool down" and her access to e-mail and the premises was restricted.
"By the time the affair came out, [my fiancé] was relocated to a New York office while [the sales manager] and I remained in the Houston office," she says. "When I returned to work, we were all advised by HR not to discuss the relationship or face severe consequences. I had to go out of my way to avoid her but everyone in the office knew. It was extremely awkward."
Another consequence of the situation was how distrusting she became with colleagues, even after she had moved on to a new employer. She was especially hesitant around the women in the office. Ultimately she started her own company, Crystal Clear Communications, because the thought of working in a similar environment was too much for her.
Leslie Jacobs of Les Mess Organizing Cards also found her work life go from peaceful to turbulent in a brief moment. She was friends with an office manager at a previous employer. They were regular lunch friends and spent much of their time together. Then one day the office manager stopped talking to her. Years before the friend had done something similar, but the silent treatment didn't last long so Jacobs dismissed it as a one-time event. This time it was permanent -- no explanation and no opportunity for Jacobs to understand what was going on.
"I asked her to talk to me -- let's talk this out. She refused," Jacobs remembers. "She would only talk to me in a very businesslike way. But, as office manager she had the power to make my job easy or not -- and she chose not." Not surprisingly, there was a round of layoffs shortly after and Jacobs was let go from her job. Although she was told it was a financial issue, Jacobs knew that wasn't the case -- especially when she saw the organization throw a party for 50,000 attendees. She never found out the reason for the sudden change of heart, but she knows former colleagues are being told a significantly different story to explain Jacobs' departure.
A friendship postmortem
Sometimes the friendship falls apart after the professional relationship ends, which can be just as hurtful. That's what happened to Linda Athans, now a marketing manager at Mangrove Employer Services. For a previous company she was a director and had hired an assistant from another department. She established a mentor/protégé relationship with the assistant.
"The two of us not only reshaped the entire department for the company, but also became great friends in the process ... almost sisters," Athans says. "We saw each other outside work frequently, shared secrets and could be both professional and silly with each other. I was even in her wedding!"
Unfortunately, Athans' position was eliminated and she left work permanently on a Friday afternoon. She didn't hear from the assistant until Monday morning, and then it was only to ask about project Athans had been working on. She was apparently filling Athans' role and made no attempt to approach her as a friend.
"Needless to say I was upset at the callousness -¬ I had just lost my job of four years.[I] told her that I didn't work there anymore and she should get direction from the VP," Athans says. "She got angry with me, hung up, and that was that."
They've seen each other since and their interaction has gone from cordial to nonexistent. For Athans, the lesson learned was that friendships shouldn't exist within the office.
"Most of what we shared revolved around work and being in the same situation. But once I left, it was obvious that we didn't really have that much in common and were two very different people. Sometimes I am reminded of her and remember the good times we had fondly, but that relationship definitely changed how close I get to people in the workplace."
How to deal
What do you do if your friendship with a co-worker is going south? And what if it's beyond repair? Levine has some tips for workers:
• Notice the warning signs and stay calm
"The first step would be to communicate, without casting blame, to see if a minor misunderstanding can be straightened out," Levine advises. "Perhaps it is a question of establishing boundaries with which both friends feel comfortable. Depending on what happened, for example, two friends may decide to only be friends in the workplace or to only be friends outside of work, limiting their conversation about work."
• Approach with caution
"If the friendship is falling apart, you might want to act cordial but slowly pull back, spending last time and sharing fewer intimacies with the individual. You still want to act friendly and greet them in the workplace. The last thing you want to do is to draw other people into your conflict [or] misunderstanding," Levine suggests.
• Understand the kind of friendship you have
"Workers need to remember that not all friendships stick," Levine reminds. "Most are transient and you don't want to do anything to jeopardize your employment and reputation, particularly in this economy. On the other hand, friends in the workplace can be your greatest collaborators, cheerleaders, and shoulders to cry on and re-energize."
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