In a classic episode of the TV show "Sex and the City," Carrie Bradshaw realizes that she's spent thousands of dollars on gifts for one of her married friends. With bridal showers, wedding gifts and eventually baby showers, she has devoted much of her time and money celebrating her married friends' life choices. It dawns on Bradshaw that, conversely, no one gives single people any kudos for their decisions to stay single or not have children.
The episode makes clear that Bradshaw, the representative for singles everywhere, has no personal rift with her married friends. Her beef is with the culture that unjustly rewards one group of people over another.
For many single workers, that issue follows them into the workplace.
Different rules for different people
A recent CareerBuilder.com survey found more than 21 percent of workers who have never been married believe their companies show favoritism to married co-workers over single ones. Even more workers who have never been married (nearly 30 percent) claim their company provides more flexibility for married co-workers over single ones.
Ken Wisnefski, president of marketing company WebiMax.com, says that you don't have to make the same rules for all workers as long as you're appreciating the circumstances of everyone.
"All workers are different," he reminds. "If you have the means, approaching all workers as an individual can have a positive impact on your business." Because he has a moderate amount of workers compared with larger firms, he can give individual attention to his employees.
"For instance, I understand parents with schoolchildren may need to drop them off [or] pick them up from school. I know that employees living further away are concerned with the morning and afternoon rush hour. I know that it may be easier to call a single worker with an emergency rather than one with a family," Wisnefski says. But he also understands that his writer might want to go surfing in the morning, so as long as it doesn't hurt the company, the option is available. "Understanding them and their lives outside of work makes it easier to manage them and to get more production out of them."
Parental rights
Some workers think preferential treatment arises not from your marital status, but rather from your parental obligations. Jennifer Wakefield, director of public relations for the Metro Orlando Economic Development Commission, remembers a situation that irked her when she was a bank teller in college.
"I've not noticed a disparity between single versus married, but several years ago with a previous employer, employees with children received four hours of [personal time off] per month to attend school plays and functions," Wakefield recalls. "However, as an employee without children, I was not allocated time to see my nephew in school plays and functions."
John Welton of Voce Communications agrees that the system is set up to accommodate workers with children, though he took a step to equal the playing field. In his office of young professionals, he's seen over half of his colleagues take maternity or paternity leaves at one time or another. They've also incorporated flexible work-from-home days into their schedules. Welton isn't bothered by the demands of his co-workers' lifestyles and realizes that everyone's situation is different.
"Unless my cat gets sick, I don't have the same requests they do as far as motherhood, fatherhood or sick children," he explains. But he also realized that in his midsize company, every absent worker puts more stress on others, so he decided to ask for a much-needed rest.
"I spoke with my boss, saying that after covering for over three paternity and maternity leaves over the course of almost a year, I needed one of my own," Welton explains. "I was granted leave -- we called it 'John's leave.'" He was able to turn his regular vacation time into an extended break. He came back from his break refreshed and ready to jump back in. Perhaps more importantly, Welton felt that his boss had displayed a great amount of trust and appreciation for his work. And that's something all workers, regardless of their situations, look for in an employer.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Top 10 Ways to Use Your Female Advantage in Business
The conventional wisdom has been that women have trouble succeeding because they don't act like men. But playing it like a man doesn't work because it brands you as tough and aggressive. And it's stupid for the most basic reason. We're not men. And that's an advantage.
It's common sense to be authentic, and it's smart branding. Your personal brand must come from who you are and what makes you tick -- including your strengths and aptitudes as a woman.
Here is my top 10 list of how to use your female aptitudes to increase your success in business:
1. Turn up your empathy quotient (EmQ)
Women are strong in empathy thanks in part to higher levels of estrogen and oxytocin. So it's no wonder that when President Obama cited "empathy" as a key factor in his selection of a Supreme Court justice, the four finalists were women.
How to leverage empathy: Be approachable and empathize with the feelings of others. People will feel understood even if you are giving them bad news! You can use empathy to build consensus around a common goal.
2. Create an appealing package
Studies show that attractive people not only make more money, they are viewed as smarter, more productive, and even kinder than others. Women have an advantage because we have more "visual packaging tools."
How to package yourself: Don't mimic the male model -- that's so 20th century. Use the French women's model: Dress like a woman and accentuate your best features. If you don't have the body of a fashion model, do something wonderful with your hair and clothing. Develop a distinctive look with a signature color, accessories and so on. Work on your posture and how you move.
3. Reach out and connect
Women have the social gene and an innate ability to build relationships and connect with people, studies show. Women are natural-born networkers, team builders and relationship mavens.
How to use people power: The larger your network, the more career capital you'll have. So don't just use your people power to develop deep relationships with a few; use it to also develop a broad network of more casual acquaintances with all types of people.
4. Speak with panache
Women routinely outscore men on oral and written tests because they use both hemispheres of the brain -- left and right -- to process verbal and emotional messages.
How to use your verbal agility in the workplace: Use your verbal skills to speak up: Ask great questions and listen actively. Hone your business conversation and presentation skills. Pitch yourself for a move up or a lateral move with interesting "stories" about your past performance.
5. Be inclusive
Choosing inclusion over exclusion is a powerful female strength. In today's modern, global companies, the ability to work well with diverse groups will set you apart.
How of leverage inclusiveness: Encourage different perspectives and offer goodwill to everyone -- friends and foes. Cultivate strong alliances and be loyal.
6. Read between the lines
MRI imaging and other brain research show that women are much better at picking up subtle emotional messages than men are. Women can pick up body language and are able to detect unspoken signals of unhappiness, frustration, and confusion.
How to leverage emotional intelligence: Look beyond verbal messages to the real message people are conveying in meetings. If something feels uncomfortable or incomplete, act on your intuition and follow up with a phone call.
7. Empower others
Studies show that women tend to work together collaboratively, empowering different members of the team to contribute and accomplish tasks. So rather than seek power over others, the female leadership style seeks to empower others.
How to leverage the female leadership style: Create teams and a personal "board of directors" who can advise you -- and be sure to include men too. Give public credit to other people when they contribute.
8. See the big picture
Women tend to take in various perspectives and consider a larger framework when solving a problem or making a decision, while men's style of problem solving tends to be more linear and transactional.
How to leverage big-picture thinking: Use your problem-solving style to uncover risks and opportunities, and bring more creativity and innovation to your work.
9. Be likeable
Women's gifts for relationships, compassion, connection and empathy make them the more likeable gender. And let's face it, the workplace is a personality contest too, so likeability is a key factor in success.
How to leverage likeability: Smile and be positive -- as opposed to being serious and stern -- and you will win over business fans and be more influential in your work.
10. Brand yourself
Use the nine female aptitudes listed above to brand yourself for success.
It's common sense to be authentic, and it's smart branding. Your personal brand must come from who you are and what makes you tick -- including your strengths and aptitudes as a woman.
Here is my top 10 list of how to use your female aptitudes to increase your success in business:
1. Turn up your empathy quotient (EmQ)
Women are strong in empathy thanks in part to higher levels of estrogen and oxytocin. So it's no wonder that when President Obama cited "empathy" as a key factor in his selection of a Supreme Court justice, the four finalists were women.
How to leverage empathy: Be approachable and empathize with the feelings of others. People will feel understood even if you are giving them bad news! You can use empathy to build consensus around a common goal.
2. Create an appealing package
Studies show that attractive people not only make more money, they are viewed as smarter, more productive, and even kinder than others. Women have an advantage because we have more "visual packaging tools."
How to package yourself: Don't mimic the male model -- that's so 20th century. Use the French women's model: Dress like a woman and accentuate your best features. If you don't have the body of a fashion model, do something wonderful with your hair and clothing. Develop a distinctive look with a signature color, accessories and so on. Work on your posture and how you move.
3. Reach out and connect
Women have the social gene and an innate ability to build relationships and connect with people, studies show. Women are natural-born networkers, team builders and relationship mavens.
How to use people power: The larger your network, the more career capital you'll have. So don't just use your people power to develop deep relationships with a few; use it to also develop a broad network of more casual acquaintances with all types of people.
4. Speak with panache
Women routinely outscore men on oral and written tests because they use both hemispheres of the brain -- left and right -- to process verbal and emotional messages.
How to use your verbal agility in the workplace: Use your verbal skills to speak up: Ask great questions and listen actively. Hone your business conversation and presentation skills. Pitch yourself for a move up or a lateral move with interesting "stories" about your past performance.
5. Be inclusive
Choosing inclusion over exclusion is a powerful female strength. In today's modern, global companies, the ability to work well with diverse groups will set you apart.
How of leverage inclusiveness: Encourage different perspectives and offer goodwill to everyone -- friends and foes. Cultivate strong alliances and be loyal.
6. Read between the lines
MRI imaging and other brain research show that women are much better at picking up subtle emotional messages than men are. Women can pick up body language and are able to detect unspoken signals of unhappiness, frustration, and confusion.
How to leverage emotional intelligence: Look beyond verbal messages to the real message people are conveying in meetings. If something feels uncomfortable or incomplete, act on your intuition and follow up with a phone call.
7. Empower others
Studies show that women tend to work together collaboratively, empowering different members of the team to contribute and accomplish tasks. So rather than seek power over others, the female leadership style seeks to empower others.
How to leverage the female leadership style: Create teams and a personal "board of directors" who can advise you -- and be sure to include men too. Give public credit to other people when they contribute.
8. See the big picture
Women tend to take in various perspectives and consider a larger framework when solving a problem or making a decision, while men's style of problem solving tends to be more linear and transactional.
How to leverage big-picture thinking: Use your problem-solving style to uncover risks and opportunities, and bring more creativity and innovation to your work.
9. Be likeable
Women's gifts for relationships, compassion, connection and empathy make them the more likeable gender. And let's face it, the workplace is a personality contest too, so likeability is a key factor in success.
How to leverage likeability: Smile and be positive -- as opposed to being serious and stern -- and you will win over business fans and be more influential in your work.
10. Brand yourself
Use the nine female aptitudes listed above to brand yourself for success.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
IS EMPATHY HELPING OR HURTING YOUR CAREER?
When President Barack Obama announced he was looking for a Supreme Court nominee who demonstrated empathy, it triggered a national conversation about empathy -- and whether it's a pro or con for a justice of the highest U.S. court.
How about in the workplace? Is empathy an asset -- or does it make you appear weak, indecisive and vulnerable?
In the workplace, empathy has both an upside and a downside. People who are extremely empathetic and sensitive need to be aware of both.
Am I an empath?
Take this self-assessment test from "Emotional Freedom" to see if you are a super-empathetic person. Answer yes or no to each question:
1. Have I been labeled by co-workers as "too emotional" or overly sensitive?
2. If a co-worker is distraught, does it affect my mood at work?
3. Are my feelings easily hurt when a supervisor or peer delivers negative feedback?
4. Am I emotionally drained when I have to work closely with others, and do I require time alone to revive?
5. Do my nerves get frayed by office noise, machine noise, smells or excessive talking?
6. Do I prefer working quietly and off by myself?
7. Do I overeat or need a happy-hour cocktail to deal with work-related stress?
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you're at least part empath. Responding "yes" to more than three indicates that you're quite sensitive and empathetic.
The empath's upside at work
You are big-hearted, and big-hearted people are gifted helpers and mentors. Empaths are patient, kind and compassionate -- just what you need as a manager, trainer or team leader.
You are passionate, and passionate people put their all into projects. Empathetic people are passionate about their beliefs and ideas. In creative roles, or as sales or marketing people, passion is a plus.
You are intuitive, and intuitive people can read between the lines. Empaths often perceive gray areas in a discussion or sense unspoken tension in meetings. Their ability to read others' feelings is a critical skill in negotiating and personnel management.
You are an emotionally responsive person, and that means you are a great communicator. Listening is an essential business skill, and those who are best at it are emotional empaths who have a well-developed ability to relate to others, and then interpret or build on what they see and hear.
You are "in touch" with your emotions, which means others can connect well with you. We most admire and best relate to people who are authentic. In other words, they show their emotions. In the business world, being "real" helps you build networks, earn the loyalty of others, win clients and forge alliances.
The empath's downside at work
You're an emotional sponge. Super-empathetic people tend to pick up on others' emotions. This can be detrimental when a cool-headed leader is needed, or when an objective perspective would yield a clearer decision.
You're prone to anxiety, depression and fatigue. If you're always tuned in to co-workers' feelings, it's difficult to keep your nerves from getting frazzled. You need to be able to process emotions coming at you from all directions.
You may find it hard to work well with others. Empaths often need to work alone, and they seek solitude in order to regain their calm. Others may see you as anti-social.
You may be a victim of emotional vampires. Emotional vampires are people who suck the energy right out of you and leave you feeling drained and depleted. They may do this by being needy, talkative or cruel or by running right over you. There are lots of different types of emotional vampires -- and they're naturally drawn to empaths like you.
If you are a super-sensitive and empathetic person, be aware of the ways this wonderful trait serves you in the workplace. But be extra careful to protect your emotional and physical health, because empathetic people are, by definition, more vulnerable and open than their peers.
How about in the workplace? Is empathy an asset -- or does it make you appear weak, indecisive and vulnerable?
In the workplace, empathy has both an upside and a downside. People who are extremely empathetic and sensitive need to be aware of both.
Am I an empath?
Take this self-assessment test from "Emotional Freedom" to see if you are a super-empathetic person. Answer yes or no to each question:
1. Have I been labeled by co-workers as "too emotional" or overly sensitive?
2. If a co-worker is distraught, does it affect my mood at work?
3. Are my feelings easily hurt when a supervisor or peer delivers negative feedback?
4. Am I emotionally drained when I have to work closely with others, and do I require time alone to revive?
5. Do my nerves get frayed by office noise, machine noise, smells or excessive talking?
6. Do I prefer working quietly and off by myself?
7. Do I overeat or need a happy-hour cocktail to deal with work-related stress?
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, you're at least part empath. Responding "yes" to more than three indicates that you're quite sensitive and empathetic.
The empath's upside at work
You are big-hearted, and big-hearted people are gifted helpers and mentors. Empaths are patient, kind and compassionate -- just what you need as a manager, trainer or team leader.
You are passionate, and passionate people put their all into projects. Empathetic people are passionate about their beliefs and ideas. In creative roles, or as sales or marketing people, passion is a plus.
You are intuitive, and intuitive people can read between the lines. Empaths often perceive gray areas in a discussion or sense unspoken tension in meetings. Their ability to read others' feelings is a critical skill in negotiating and personnel management.
You are an emotionally responsive person, and that means you are a great communicator. Listening is an essential business skill, and those who are best at it are emotional empaths who have a well-developed ability to relate to others, and then interpret or build on what they see and hear.
You are "in touch" with your emotions, which means others can connect well with you. We most admire and best relate to people who are authentic. In other words, they show their emotions. In the business world, being "real" helps you build networks, earn the loyalty of others, win clients and forge alliances.
The empath's downside at work
You're an emotional sponge. Super-empathetic people tend to pick up on others' emotions. This can be detrimental when a cool-headed leader is needed, or when an objective perspective would yield a clearer decision.
You're prone to anxiety, depression and fatigue. If you're always tuned in to co-workers' feelings, it's difficult to keep your nerves from getting frazzled. You need to be able to process emotions coming at you from all directions.
You may find it hard to work well with others. Empaths often need to work alone, and they seek solitude in order to regain their calm. Others may see you as anti-social.
You may be a victim of emotional vampires. Emotional vampires are people who suck the energy right out of you and leave you feeling drained and depleted. They may do this by being needy, talkative or cruel or by running right over you. There are lots of different types of emotional vampires -- and they're naturally drawn to empaths like you.
If you are a super-sensitive and empathetic person, be aware of the ways this wonderful trait serves you in the workplace. But be extra careful to protect your emotional and physical health, because empathetic people are, by definition, more vulnerable and open than their peers.
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