How many people out there hate their bosses? And how many have the luxury of simply voting with their feet, and leaving? Everyone faces a toxic boss at some point in their career and must quickly learn how to de-fang.
Toxic bosses are often energy vampires who drain our morale, creativity and productivity. Ironically, they often feel they are doing the right thing in the process. So when you react to them, you get dragged into a tug-of-war that too often leads to a one-way ticket out the door. It's a lose-lose situation for everyone.
At the same time, the right communications skills can provide a great antidote to these toxic bosses. Here's how:
Learn how your boss sees the world. Does your boss go to bed every night dreaming of new ways to be mean and cruel? If he does, it's time to leave, however, the reality is that most toxic bosses simply have a warped view of managing people. What you see as criticism, they see as "holding people accountable." What you see as politics, they see as "motivating people to perform." And what you think is pointless nastiness is, in their mind, "avoiding a country-club atmosphere where people slack off."
So how do you learn what's behind their snarkiness? Simple: You ask them. Here are some examples of questions you might use:
- "What would the ideal department look like for you?"
- "What kinds of things frustrate you about our team?"
- "What would be the single biggest thing I could do better this year?"
Validate the boss's view of the world. This part feels like sucking on a lemon for most people, but it is the key to changing your boss's toxic behavior. (When was the last time you responded positively to criticism?) Here you are not out to agree with your boss or "kiss up" to her. Your goal is to make it clear you understand her, so that she will then listen to you. Try these on for size:
Tillie Toxic: "I wish people would stop slacking off and get to work around here."
You: "Good point, it is frustrating when people don't perform like you wish they did."
Peter Picky: "You never do this task right."
You: "I don't want you to settle for less than the best. Let's discuss this."
Does it feel funny to say things like these to a boss who acts like Darth Vader? Of course it does. But when you say them, you accomplish something extremely valuable: You create a safe space to start talking about changing the boss's intimidating ways.
Offer an alternative. Here is where you close in for the kill. Offer your boss what he wants, while presenting him with a neutral, factual way to get there -- by treating you better! Here's one example:
"I want to give you everything you want in the future. At the same time, I find it difficult to do that when I am constantly criticized. It makes it harder for me to do my best. Where could we go from here?"
Now you are in productive dialogue, and can start negotiating a win-win solution as adults. Remember that you have to use facts and not feelings here. Telling your boss to "share performance expectations" or "talk to me first before you criticize my work" is OK, but asking him to "stop being a jerk" is provocative, not to mention unclear.
With the right words, you can often achieve what seems impossible: Get your toxic boss to change, using a painless conversation that never puts him or her on the defensive. In the process, you will gain interpersonal and leadership skills that will stick with you for the rest of your life.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
WHEN YOUR FRIEND BECOMES YOUR CO-WORKER
True tales of the good, the bad and the ugly
There's a time in most people's lives when working with their friends seems like a dream come true. Seeing each other all day, every day; exchanging horror stories about the boss you share; multiple lunches, happy hours and company events -- what could be better?
For some people, nothing. But for many, nothing could be worse.
What happens when your friend becomes your co-worker? Perhaps a better starting place is asking the question of how your friend became your co-worker. What happens when you recommend a friend for a job?
Recommending a friend or family member for a position at your company is tricky. On one hand, if your friend does a great job, it reflects positively on you. On the other hand, if his or her performance is less than exemplary, that reflects on you, too. Not to mention the effect recommending (or not recommending) an acquaintance could have on your friendship and your reputation at work.
"If your friend does a good job, it can help your reputation at work. You will be seen as having excellent judgment, because this is your friend and you suggested [her] for the job.If you recommend someone and your analysis is a mismatch with that individual's abilities or with how he or she fits in with the company, it can negatively impact on the one doing the recommending."
We asked our readers about a time when they recommended a friend for a job. Here, they share their stories -- the good, bad and the ugly.
The good
When I first crossed over into PR, friends from my TV days marveled at how lifestyle-friendly my job is. I decided to share the wealth, getting my good friend Krista hired as a publicist. I knew I was taking a big risk -- if it didn't work, how could our friendship handle her being let go? Would she blame me? I took the risk. It's been almost two years now and Krista is one of our leading publicists. It's also been great for our friendship because now that we don't have TV news in common, we have PR. It's felt so good to help her get a mom-friendly job and in return, she has wowed our CEO.
--Valery Hodes, vice president, Orca Communications Unlimited
I have an Internet marketing company, Market Conversion. I hired my best friend about a year ago as a consultant. It has been such an amazing experience, that she is now my business partner. I know she is special. She cared about our business as much as I did from the beginning. Because of our close relationship, we are able to talk openly and honestly, even when it's not pretty. I appreciate that when either of us say or do something, the other is able to offer constructive criticism without emotional backlash. It is truly a great relationship.
-- Denalee Bell, Market Conversion
I have a friend who I babysat for several years when I was in high school. After she graduated from college, she decided she wanted to move to the Washington D.C. area, which happens to be my residence. Her father reached out to me and asked that I take care of her if possible, keeping my eye out for any jobs. I reached out to my top client and called in a favor with one of the managers. He looked at her résumé and said "Greg, she really doesn't fit our position, however if you're 100 percent confident in her abilities, I'll sneak her in." She's now been with that company for five years, and she's in a position that takes most people at least 10 years to reach. Recently I had dinner with that manager, and within 20 minutes, he mentioned how thankful he was that he took a chance on her, and said if ever I need another favor, he'd be more than happy to oblige.
-- Greg Gary, managing director for Technisource
The bad
One day, at the end of class, a student asked to speak to me privately. As she spoke of her divorce, her children and her low-paying job, tears streamed down her face. Sympathy overtook me and I tried to comfort her by saying that a good friend of mine, in the movie industry, was looking to hire a secretary. Salaries tend to be higher in the industry and my student was thrilled. Unfortunately, she did not perform well during the interview. The experience led my friend to forestall all future referrals.
-- Marlene Caroselli, Ed.D., keynoter, corporate trainer, author
I had a friend I'd known for 25 years -- someone who'd lived with me for free after she relocated, whose wedding invitations I addressed for her, who I'd traveled with -- who I got a job for at the small company where I worked. I was the director of conference management and she ended up as the director of operations, at a company of about 20 employees. After being there for a year, she engineered a "reorganization" that resulted in the elimination of my position. She never said a word leading up to it, and I was given only 24 hours notice that I was being laid off. She never bothered to follow up with me to see how I felt about it. I'll definitely think twice before I recommend another friend for a job at the same company where I work.
-- Michelle J. Taunton, CMP
The ugly
A friend asked me to get her a job in the [modeling] business. Although she had no experience, she was very beautiful and spoke Spanish as well as English, so I thought that with training, she would work well with our Latin accounts. What I did not count on was that she needed no training in sleeping her way to the top. Within months, she had been "promoted" past me and a company vice president was getting a divorce.
-- Beverly Solomon, creative director, musee-solomon
I did get a friend a job once and will NEVER do it again. I was a program manager for a defense contracting agency and we needed a new administrative assistant in my department. I was told by a congregation member that our mutual friend was in need of a new job and she was very qualified on paper, so we brought her in for an interview. I agreed that I could be a personal reference for her and based on my reputation, it was enough to get her the job. They never checked her other references.
It was a nightmare from the first day when she showed up two hours late without calling and then left to go to lunch an hour early. Over the next few weeks she got progressively worse. Her supervisor spoke with her to no avail, so I stepped in. I told her that she had two weeks to make noticeable improvements or she would not be kept after her probationary period was up.
She called my Father (yes, she told my daddy on me) and several congregational elders to tell them that I was threatening her because I was jealous, and that she didn't feel safe. When the time came to let her go, I made sure that I sat in on her exit interview, in which they enumerated the many times that she was late to work, her poor job performance and her general attitude. When asked if she had any questions or wanted to say anything, she looked at me and said, "I thought you were my friend and had my back on this."
To this day, I will not hire people that I know. The only people who have a personal relationship with me that are in the company are my children -- and they know that I will fire them quicker than any other employee.
-- Andrea Frayser, founder/CEO, ANDE Cosmetics & Natural Products
I got my sister a job and now we work more closely together (I'm her boss's boss). I've been very careful at work. I never hired her or protected her job. In fact, twice I had to tell her manager I thought they were giving her too generous a raise and lowered it. But it has impacted our personal relationship. Work is always there. And right now is the worst ... she is ghost-writing a book that will come out in my name -- and she's the big sister. It also affects family time. At Thanksgiving, she was telling our dad she was worried about job security and hoped "they" didn't fire her. I, of course, am part of "they." She also doesn't take feedback from me like she does from her direct boss or other editors. People do tell me I'm tougher on her than others. I guess I worry too much about favoring her and the pendulum swings the other way. It is tough but we're both committed to it and we talk about the issues as they come up -- and try not to involve anyone else.
Your comments please!!!
There's a time in most people's lives when working with their friends seems like a dream come true. Seeing each other all day, every day; exchanging horror stories about the boss you share; multiple lunches, happy hours and company events -- what could be better?
For some people, nothing. But for many, nothing could be worse.
What happens when your friend becomes your co-worker? Perhaps a better starting place is asking the question of how your friend became your co-worker. What happens when you recommend a friend for a job?
Recommending a friend or family member for a position at your company is tricky. On one hand, if your friend does a great job, it reflects positively on you. On the other hand, if his or her performance is less than exemplary, that reflects on you, too. Not to mention the effect recommending (or not recommending) an acquaintance could have on your friendship and your reputation at work.
"If your friend does a good job, it can help your reputation at work. You will be seen as having excellent judgment, because this is your friend and you suggested [her] for the job.If you recommend someone and your analysis is a mismatch with that individual's abilities or with how he or she fits in with the company, it can negatively impact on the one doing the recommending."
We asked our readers about a time when they recommended a friend for a job. Here, they share their stories -- the good, bad and the ugly.
The good
When I first crossed over into PR, friends from my TV days marveled at how lifestyle-friendly my job is. I decided to share the wealth, getting my good friend Krista hired as a publicist. I knew I was taking a big risk -- if it didn't work, how could our friendship handle her being let go? Would she blame me? I took the risk. It's been almost two years now and Krista is one of our leading publicists. It's also been great for our friendship because now that we don't have TV news in common, we have PR. It's felt so good to help her get a mom-friendly job and in return, she has wowed our CEO.
--Valery Hodes, vice president, Orca Communications Unlimited
I have an Internet marketing company, Market Conversion. I hired my best friend about a year ago as a consultant. It has been such an amazing experience, that she is now my business partner. I know she is special. She cared about our business as much as I did from the beginning. Because of our close relationship, we are able to talk openly and honestly, even when it's not pretty. I appreciate that when either of us say or do something, the other is able to offer constructive criticism without emotional backlash. It is truly a great relationship.
-- Denalee Bell, Market Conversion
I have a friend who I babysat for several years when I was in high school. After she graduated from college, she decided she wanted to move to the Washington D.C. area, which happens to be my residence. Her father reached out to me and asked that I take care of her if possible, keeping my eye out for any jobs. I reached out to my top client and called in a favor with one of the managers. He looked at her résumé and said "Greg, she really doesn't fit our position, however if you're 100 percent confident in her abilities, I'll sneak her in." She's now been with that company for five years, and she's in a position that takes most people at least 10 years to reach. Recently I had dinner with that manager, and within 20 minutes, he mentioned how thankful he was that he took a chance on her, and said if ever I need another favor, he'd be more than happy to oblige.
-- Greg Gary, managing director for Technisource
The bad
One day, at the end of class, a student asked to speak to me privately. As she spoke of her divorce, her children and her low-paying job, tears streamed down her face. Sympathy overtook me and I tried to comfort her by saying that a good friend of mine, in the movie industry, was looking to hire a secretary. Salaries tend to be higher in the industry and my student was thrilled. Unfortunately, she did not perform well during the interview. The experience led my friend to forestall all future referrals.
-- Marlene Caroselli, Ed.D., keynoter, corporate trainer, author
I had a friend I'd known for 25 years -- someone who'd lived with me for free after she relocated, whose wedding invitations I addressed for her, who I'd traveled with -- who I got a job for at the small company where I worked. I was the director of conference management and she ended up as the director of operations, at a company of about 20 employees. After being there for a year, she engineered a "reorganization" that resulted in the elimination of my position. She never said a word leading up to it, and I was given only 24 hours notice that I was being laid off. She never bothered to follow up with me to see how I felt about it. I'll definitely think twice before I recommend another friend for a job at the same company where I work.
-- Michelle J. Taunton, CMP
The ugly
A friend asked me to get her a job in the [modeling] business. Although she had no experience, she was very beautiful and spoke Spanish as well as English, so I thought that with training, she would work well with our Latin accounts. What I did not count on was that she needed no training in sleeping her way to the top. Within months, she had been "promoted" past me and a company vice president was getting a divorce.
-- Beverly Solomon, creative director, musee-solomon
I did get a friend a job once and will NEVER do it again. I was a program manager for a defense contracting agency and we needed a new administrative assistant in my department. I was told by a congregation member that our mutual friend was in need of a new job and she was very qualified on paper, so we brought her in for an interview. I agreed that I could be a personal reference for her and based on my reputation, it was enough to get her the job. They never checked her other references.
It was a nightmare from the first day when she showed up two hours late without calling and then left to go to lunch an hour early. Over the next few weeks she got progressively worse. Her supervisor spoke with her to no avail, so I stepped in. I told her that she had two weeks to make noticeable improvements or she would not be kept after her probationary period was up.
She called my Father (yes, she told my daddy on me) and several congregational elders to tell them that I was threatening her because I was jealous, and that she didn't feel safe. When the time came to let her go, I made sure that I sat in on her exit interview, in which they enumerated the many times that she was late to work, her poor job performance and her general attitude. When asked if she had any questions or wanted to say anything, she looked at me and said, "I thought you were my friend and had my back on this."
To this day, I will not hire people that I know. The only people who have a personal relationship with me that are in the company are my children -- and they know that I will fire them quicker than any other employee.
-- Andrea Frayser, founder/CEO, ANDE Cosmetics & Natural Products
I got my sister a job and now we work more closely together (I'm her boss's boss). I've been very careful at work. I never hired her or protected her job. In fact, twice I had to tell her manager I thought they were giving her too generous a raise and lowered it. But it has impacted our personal relationship. Work is always there. And right now is the worst ... she is ghost-writing a book that will come out in my name -- and she's the big sister. It also affects family time. At Thanksgiving, she was telling our dad she was worried about job security and hoped "they" didn't fire her. I, of course, am part of "they." She also doesn't take feedback from me like she does from her direct boss or other editors. People do tell me I'm tougher on her than others. I guess I worry too much about favoring her and the pendulum swings the other way. It is tough but we're both committed to it and we talk about the issues as they come up -- and try not to involve anyone else.
Your comments please!!!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
WHAT IS YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARD WORK?
Attitude counts for a lot. Just think of how often people's attitudes affect your perception of them. First impressions often come down to phrases such as, "He had the worst attitude" or, "She has the best attitude of anyone I've ever met."
When you walk into your workplace -- whether it's a department store or hospital -- what are you thinking? Do you feel excited because you love your job? Are you filled with dread because you hate your job?
Your attitude toward work might impact your career more than you realize.
The runway model
When models work the catwalk, they act as if the audience isn't there. The flashbulbs blind them, but their faces seem to say, "I don't have time to care about this crowd; I have a catwalk to strut down." They're on emotionless autopilot, if you will.
What works for models doesn't work for everyone ... in case that unsuccessful liquid diet you tried wasn't enough proof. A numb approach to work raises questions about your performance: Do you care about your job? Do you know what you're doing? How long will you stick around? Does anyone even want to interact with you?
I suggests these workers take a step back to look at their work in its appropriate context.
"All work is interdependent, yet most people have difficulty understanding where much of their work came from and where it will go -- they don't see the connections in the larger process. The more someone understands how their work impacts others, the more they are likely to care."
I will advise you to think of yourself as part of a team working toward a goal, not as an isolated cog in a machine. Look at the result of your hard work and maybe you can find a reason to care about your job, even if you don't love it.
The emotional teenager
Teenagers are nothing if not experts at looking at the cruel, torturous underbelly of life. A bad day when you're 15 years old isn't just a bad day; it's the worst day anyone has ever experienced in the history of human existence. Every phone call is a life-altering conversation of import no one can comprehend.
Hyperbolic workers aren't too different. They don't know how to put their workdays in perspective. Yes, some jobs are nightmares incarnate, but no job is nirvana, either. Difficult customers or incompetent bosses can mar the occasional day. Are you able to draw a distinction between a bad day and a bad situation?
"It is possible to frame things mentally such that you see them as only short-term realities that can change over time. From this 'glass half-full' perspective, any single bad role or colleague is but a few frames in a long roll of film. The focus then shifts from obsessing on the current situation to designing a real plan of action to create a new and better future situation.
On the flip side, rather than make you appreciate your job more, a new perspective might make you realize you belong elsewhere. If you're conditioned to despise work every time the alarm rings, you could end up stuck at a job that's just wrong for you.
"If you do actually hate your job, you might not be in need [of] a job tweak, but rather a full-fledged job change or career change. "Having said that, even in the worst professional situations, for the open minded, there is a lot to learn about how you got there and what [likely exists] there that will help you avoid it completely in the future."
Pollyanna
The classic children's book "Pollyanna," which follows a girl whose philosophy to focus on the positive, is an admirable, if not impossible, model to follow. Yet, some workers' abilities to convey Pollyanna's unrelenting optimism astound others and can be detrimental to their own careers.
The drawback to this work method is that you might find yourself out of the loop when it comes to how decisions are made, as they aren't always made in open discussions. Dewett cautions workers to pay attention to how decisions are made so that they can be aware of or participate in the process.
"People with overly rosy views (due to solid 'fit,' a great boss or colleagues or both) can be somewhat naïve politically," Dewett warns. "I would never advocate that a person with character and rosy glasses engage in too much political behavior, but you need to be aware of it."
Don't sacrifice the love you have of your job. After all, many people would be thrilled to enjoy going to work in the morning. A balanced perspective is all you need.
"Love your job, love your company -- but use your network so that you keep up to speed with the major political currents of the day as they might affect you and your work unit."
The transient
Perhaps more distracting than any other workplace attitude is that of the employee who never seems to set his or her bag down. For some workers, certain jobs are temporary. They never intend to stay long and they know something better is on the horizon, even if their employer is unaware of their agenda. While that approach might be appropriate in some circumstances -- and you never want to assume that any job is the last one you'll take because you don't know what the future holds -- don't live in that mentality.
For one thing, your boss and co-workers might get a sense of your fleeting mindset and treat you accordingly. If you never personalize your workspace or only talk about your future with the company in hypotheticals, they'll question your commitment. Do they want to give you a project or promote you if you seem to have one foot out the door already?
For your own sake, allow yourself to consider the possibility that your job has a lot to offer. Even if you don't want to stay there forever, let your mind relax by accepting the fact that you can see yourself in that position a year or two from now. You'll be surprised how stressful always being on the move is. Plus, you might realize you were closing off opportunities for personal and career growth by keeping yourself primed to leave at any minute. If another job eventually comes your way, you can weigh the pros and cons of taking it – when you're faced with the decision, not because you're always looking for it.
When you walk into your workplace -- whether it's a department store or hospital -- what are you thinking? Do you feel excited because you love your job? Are you filled with dread because you hate your job?
Your attitude toward work might impact your career more than you realize.
The runway model
When models work the catwalk, they act as if the audience isn't there. The flashbulbs blind them, but their faces seem to say, "I don't have time to care about this crowd; I have a catwalk to strut down." They're on emotionless autopilot, if you will.
What works for models doesn't work for everyone ... in case that unsuccessful liquid diet you tried wasn't enough proof. A numb approach to work raises questions about your performance: Do you care about your job? Do you know what you're doing? How long will you stick around? Does anyone even want to interact with you?
I suggests these workers take a step back to look at their work in its appropriate context.
"All work is interdependent, yet most people have difficulty understanding where much of their work came from and where it will go -- they don't see the connections in the larger process. The more someone understands how their work impacts others, the more they are likely to care."
I will advise you to think of yourself as part of a team working toward a goal, not as an isolated cog in a machine. Look at the result of your hard work and maybe you can find a reason to care about your job, even if you don't love it.
The emotional teenager
Teenagers are nothing if not experts at looking at the cruel, torturous underbelly of life. A bad day when you're 15 years old isn't just a bad day; it's the worst day anyone has ever experienced in the history of human existence. Every phone call is a life-altering conversation of import no one can comprehend.
Hyperbolic workers aren't too different. They don't know how to put their workdays in perspective. Yes, some jobs are nightmares incarnate, but no job is nirvana, either. Difficult customers or incompetent bosses can mar the occasional day. Are you able to draw a distinction between a bad day and a bad situation?
"It is possible to frame things mentally such that you see them as only short-term realities that can change over time. From this 'glass half-full' perspective, any single bad role or colleague is but a few frames in a long roll of film. The focus then shifts from obsessing on the current situation to designing a real plan of action to create a new and better future situation.
On the flip side, rather than make you appreciate your job more, a new perspective might make you realize you belong elsewhere. If you're conditioned to despise work every time the alarm rings, you could end up stuck at a job that's just wrong for you.
"If you do actually hate your job, you might not be in need [of] a job tweak, but rather a full-fledged job change or career change. "Having said that, even in the worst professional situations, for the open minded, there is a lot to learn about how you got there and what [likely exists] there that will help you avoid it completely in the future."
Pollyanna
The classic children's book "Pollyanna," which follows a girl whose philosophy to focus on the positive, is an admirable, if not impossible, model to follow. Yet, some workers' abilities to convey Pollyanna's unrelenting optimism astound others and can be detrimental to their own careers.
The drawback to this work method is that you might find yourself out of the loop when it comes to how decisions are made, as they aren't always made in open discussions. Dewett cautions workers to pay attention to how decisions are made so that they can be aware of or participate in the process.
"People with overly rosy views (due to solid 'fit,' a great boss or colleagues or both) can be somewhat naïve politically," Dewett warns. "I would never advocate that a person with character and rosy glasses engage in too much political behavior, but you need to be aware of it."
Don't sacrifice the love you have of your job. After all, many people would be thrilled to enjoy going to work in the morning. A balanced perspective is all you need.
"Love your job, love your company -- but use your network so that you keep up to speed with the major political currents of the day as they might affect you and your work unit."
The transient
Perhaps more distracting than any other workplace attitude is that of the employee who never seems to set his or her bag down. For some workers, certain jobs are temporary. They never intend to stay long and they know something better is on the horizon, even if their employer is unaware of their agenda. While that approach might be appropriate in some circumstances -- and you never want to assume that any job is the last one you'll take because you don't know what the future holds -- don't live in that mentality.
For one thing, your boss and co-workers might get a sense of your fleeting mindset and treat you accordingly. If you never personalize your workspace or only talk about your future with the company in hypotheticals, they'll question your commitment. Do they want to give you a project or promote you if you seem to have one foot out the door already?
For your own sake, allow yourself to consider the possibility that your job has a lot to offer. Even if you don't want to stay there forever, let your mind relax by accepting the fact that you can see yourself in that position a year or two from now. You'll be surprised how stressful always being on the move is. Plus, you might realize you were closing off opportunities for personal and career growth by keeping yourself primed to leave at any minute. If another job eventually comes your way, you can weigh the pros and cons of taking it – when you're faced with the decision, not because you're always looking for it.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
WORKPLACE CONFLICT RESOLUTIONS
From the guy who thinks his desk is his living room/kitchen/bedroom to the manager who asks for (then steals) your ideas, every worker faces workplace conflict. (And if you don't, let me know where you work -- I want an application.)
As offices become more diverse in age, talent and ethnicity, conflict is inevitably prevalent in the workplace. Lori Coruccini, CEO of Predix Link Inc., a work-force development consulting company, says variances usually arise because of the lack of communication and clarity on how to reach common work goals. Employees don't know how to understand each other based on their individual workplace behavior.
"Depending on their behavioral traits, some employees may not appreciate a fast-changing environment because of the need to naturally process through information," Coruccini says. "Others' behaviors may be perceived as being demanding and being 'told' what to do. Every employee has unique behaviors, which, if understood in a team environment, can reduce conflict."
If clashes at work aren't reduced, vital parts of business are affected. For example, conflict causes a distraction, which decreases productivity and is also a de-motivator. Conflict also causes procrastination because your mind isn't focused on the end goal, Coruccini says. If disagreements are taken personally, it causes resentment toward co-workers or the company as a whole.
"When conflict is taken personally, it can shut down communication, cause intimidation, de-motivate, cause health issues if not dealt with, and the lack of interest to complete a mission or common goal," Coruccini warns.
However, some conflict can be healthy if you properly deal with situations to reach a proper resolution. But, this can only be done if you know how other people effectively deal with differences.
"Everyone communicates differently according to their natural behavior; everyone is driven differently based on their behaviors," Coruccini says. "Once there is an understanding of why others respond the way they do, it makes it easier to respect the other person and recognize that statements or comments are not about you and they don't take things personally."
Here are five examples of conflict you might face in the workplace:
• Being told what to do rather than asked. This causes tension, and employees become defensive.
• Employees who have different communication styles. One employee may need specific information while the other may just need the basics. Each will shut down when there is too much (or too little) information.
• Different behavioral back-up styles. For example, someone may deflect controversy for a while, but when put under too much pressure, he or she may become confrontational. Others may take offense to the back-up style, which causes conflict.
• When there is not a clear vision or mission. This usually means wasted energy and money spent in a workplace.
• Unclear job expectations are sure to cause conflict for the manager and the employee.
Make use of the following tips to resolve conflict at work:
Choose your battles. How important is the dispute really? Does it truly affect you, and is it a chronic problem? If it's a one-time incident or mild transgression, let it pass.
Expect conflict. Friction will occasionally emerge in the course of human relationships -- it's natural. Don't fear it -- rather, learn to spot the symptoms early and see opportunity in the resolution.
Use neutral language. Avoid judgmental remarks or sweeping generalizations, such as, "You never respond to my e-mails." Use calm, neutral language to describe what is bothering you. For example: "I get very frustrated when you don't return my messages because I never know if you've received important information." Be respectful and sincere, never sarcastic.
Practice preventive maintenance. Avoid retreating to the safety of withdrawal, avoidance or the simplistic view that your co-worker is a bad person. These are defense mechanisms that prevent the resolution of conflict. Instead, focus on the problem, not the person. Never attack or put the other person on the defensive.
Listen actively. Never interrupt the other party. Really listen and try to understand what the other person is saying. Let him know you understand by restating or reframing his statement or position, so he knows you have indeed heard him.
Get leverage on yourself. When disputes between you and a co-worker appear without resolution, get leverage. Ask to be held accountable. This brings your performance evaluation into the equation without taking away your responsibility for resolving the conflict. This is hard to do, but remarkable change can happen when you are held to task
As offices become more diverse in age, talent and ethnicity, conflict is inevitably prevalent in the workplace. Lori Coruccini, CEO of Predix Link Inc., a work-force development consulting company, says variances usually arise because of the lack of communication and clarity on how to reach common work goals. Employees don't know how to understand each other based on their individual workplace behavior.
"Depending on their behavioral traits, some employees may not appreciate a fast-changing environment because of the need to naturally process through information," Coruccini says. "Others' behaviors may be perceived as being demanding and being 'told' what to do. Every employee has unique behaviors, which, if understood in a team environment, can reduce conflict."
If clashes at work aren't reduced, vital parts of business are affected. For example, conflict causes a distraction, which decreases productivity and is also a de-motivator. Conflict also causes procrastination because your mind isn't focused on the end goal, Coruccini says. If disagreements are taken personally, it causes resentment toward co-workers or the company as a whole.
"When conflict is taken personally, it can shut down communication, cause intimidation, de-motivate, cause health issues if not dealt with, and the lack of interest to complete a mission or common goal," Coruccini warns.
However, some conflict can be healthy if you properly deal with situations to reach a proper resolution. But, this can only be done if you know how other people effectively deal with differences.
"Everyone communicates differently according to their natural behavior; everyone is driven differently based on their behaviors," Coruccini says. "Once there is an understanding of why others respond the way they do, it makes it easier to respect the other person and recognize that statements or comments are not about you and they don't take things personally."
Here are five examples of conflict you might face in the workplace:
• Being told what to do rather than asked. This causes tension, and employees become defensive.
• Employees who have different communication styles. One employee may need specific information while the other may just need the basics. Each will shut down when there is too much (or too little) information.
• Different behavioral back-up styles. For example, someone may deflect controversy for a while, but when put under too much pressure, he or she may become confrontational. Others may take offense to the back-up style, which causes conflict.
• When there is not a clear vision or mission. This usually means wasted energy and money spent in a workplace.
• Unclear job expectations are sure to cause conflict for the manager and the employee.
Make use of the following tips to resolve conflict at work:
Choose your battles. How important is the dispute really? Does it truly affect you, and is it a chronic problem? If it's a one-time incident or mild transgression, let it pass.
Expect conflict. Friction will occasionally emerge in the course of human relationships -- it's natural. Don't fear it -- rather, learn to spot the symptoms early and see opportunity in the resolution.
Use neutral language. Avoid judgmental remarks or sweeping generalizations, such as, "You never respond to my e-mails." Use calm, neutral language to describe what is bothering you. For example: "I get very frustrated when you don't return my messages because I never know if you've received important information." Be respectful and sincere, never sarcastic.
Practice preventive maintenance. Avoid retreating to the safety of withdrawal, avoidance or the simplistic view that your co-worker is a bad person. These are defense mechanisms that prevent the resolution of conflict. Instead, focus on the problem, not the person. Never attack or put the other person on the defensive.
Listen actively. Never interrupt the other party. Really listen and try to understand what the other person is saying. Let him know you understand by restating or reframing his statement or position, so he knows you have indeed heard him.
Get leverage on yourself. When disputes between you and a co-worker appear without resolution, get leverage. Ask to be held accountable. This brings your performance evaluation into the equation without taking away your responsibility for resolving the conflict. This is hard to do, but remarkable change can happen when you are held to task
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)